Optimism doesn't mean the same thing as "positive thinking", though positive thinking is part of being optimistic. Without realism, positive thinking quickly becomes ineffective. Denial, or seeing the sunshine but ignoring the shadows, is only a temporary fix for pain. That which we deny soon demands our attention, and we're often left with even bigger problems of declining physical health, or anger, resentment and frustration.

       The optimist and pessimist are equally likely to be wrong. Which way is more healthy and more fun? It depends, in part, on what you say to yourself when you're wrong. Do you call yourself "stupid" or a "jerk" when something turns out differently than you'd hoped or expected? How long would you work for a boss who treated you this way? We may complain about how mean other people are to us, but the truth is that most of us are far more abusive to ourselves.

       Our favorite weapon is our self-talk. Words are powerful -- they are equivalent to the code that runs the programs of our personal computers. Make some simple substitutions in your vocabulary and watch it work wonders on your sense of self-esteem, your attitudes and your mood. "Stupid" usually means "uneducated" or "unknowing." If we can recognize that a different option would have given us a more desirable outcomes, we have proof we aren't "stupid."

       After all, a mistake is simply an act or idea that unintentionally deviates from what we wanted or what was subsequently proven to be true. Most of our mistakes don't result in physical harm, yet feel almost physically painful because of the emotional hurt that occurs. This is because most of the pain that we feel from making a mistake derives from our thoughts about our choice, not the actual consequences of the choice.

       There are many easy-to-learn techniques to change our thinking from negative to positive. Take the phrase, "I can't do this!" and simply add the word "yet" -- "I can't do this -- yet!" and the whole emotional and psychological response changes, while still acknowledging that things aren't working how you want them right now.

	"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more wisely." Unknown

        The more you can see yourself as being "on course" or "off course" from where you want to go, instead of being "right" or "wrong", and the more you can appreciate how many "right" ways there are to do something, the more fun you'll have with making decisions and trying new things. I'm not sure where so many of us picked up the belief that we are supposed arrive at the start line "perfect", or nearly so. Accept that most of us learn as we go along -- that all the college degrees in the world can't provide us with the education we need to navigate life "perfectly". Learn to say "Oops!" and "Oh well!" instead of "Oh no!" and "Oh #@%*!"

	"Been through hell? What did you bring back for me?" Ashleigh Brilliant

       Our explanatory style -- how we explain the good things and bad things that happen in our life -- contributes significantly to our emotional state and our sense of competence. In addition, people with an optimistic explanatory style actually have better physical and mental health than their pessimistic colleagues. Specifically, optimistic explainers are more resistant to infectious diseases, and are better at avoiding heart disease and various chronic diseases than pessimistic explainers.

	"Hardening of the heart ages people faster than hardening of the arteries." Unknown

       To make things even worse, our ability to succeed is correlated with our explanatory style. Optimistic explainers keep trying, so generally succeed eventually, but pessimistic explainers often go into helplessness and quit, giving up their chance to eventually succeed.

       When we understand how our thoughts drive our feelings and our actions, and recognize the specific ways we distort our thoughts when we're stressed, we are one step closer to happiness and success. Lighten up your attitude, and your body will lighten up, too.

	"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us. " Alexander Graham Bell

       Changing our mind is as difficult as changing our body -- some say harder -- so be patient with yourself. Dr. Martin Seligman explains the concepts of explanatory style and "learned optimism" concisely in a number of books and articles, and has developed an effective system for converting pessimism into a healthier form of explanatory style. If you want more assistance than you can find in his books, there are many creative programs to help you. Check with your local health care providers -- they likely have a behavioral medicine program to help you.

	"Our business in this world is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits." Robert Louis Stevenson

An Example of Optimism/Pessimism (new frame)

An Optimism/Pessimism Parable (new frame)